By now most of you know a decent bit about me.I feel like I know some of you more than I know people that I talk to in person. It’s an amazing feeling to have so much support from complete strangers. Thank you all so much for that!
I’ve always been considered an outsider, the weird and out of place person. Sadly, that hasn’t changed much in my adult life. I have a small circle of friends that I love dearly and they’re either just as weird as me or accept and enjoy my weirdness. I made choices in my life that caused me to grow up a little faster than most people my age and that probably explains why I get along with older people more. I guess that’s a good and bad thing.
I also have social anxiety. I’m pretty sure that started at a very young age. When I was a kid I had a small stuttering problem. I kept to myself a lot because of it. It still acts up every now and then. My brain talks faster than my month can get the words out so they tend to trip over each other. Sometimes my brain just doesn’t know how to respond to certain things. I read an article that explained it like this- when someone ask you how you are and you respond with a thank you. Then you freak out and wonder why you just said that. That pretty much sums it up. Having a conversation with someone in person isn’t as easy as writing it out. You don’t have 5 minutes to sit there and think about how you want to say stuff or how to respond.
On top of anxiety, my tolerance for drama is at an all time low. I’ve lived through a lot of stuff in my short 27 years on earth. I know what’s important and what’s worthy of wasting my energy on. Drama just isn’t one of those things. It amazes me how people will treat someone just because they don’t understand them or know them. I always thought that when I grew up the drama and the ignorant judgmental people would disappear. That’s just one more thing to add to the book of things I was wrong about. I know it’s human nature to judge other people but I’m just so tired of it. No one really knows what someone else is going through or what kind of war might be going on in their own mind.
I always tell my son to not care what other people say about him because they don’t really know him and it’s their loss if they don’t want to take the time to know how awesome he is. So for now I’m going to work on following that same advice. I don’t expect to be accepted by the entire world, I just didn’t expect for people be so judgmental toward a person that they don’t even want to know just for minding their own business.
Since I haven’t posted a song of the week for about 2 weeks now, here’s a song!