I recently read an article about how we create these fake personas on social media. Of course this is true but there are different reasons for it. My reason is that I don’t feel the need to air all of my dirty laundry out there for the world to see. What I put on social media is (in some way) who I am or what I believe in or agree with. Of course my life isn’t perfect and it’d be ignorant to think anyone’s life is based off of a social media account.

If you are lucky enough (sarcasm) to know me and be considered a close friend then you know that my life is far from ideal. My whole life has been a continuous hurricane with one disaster after another. But, I am perfectly okay with that. History has a way of repeating itself and we have to do our best to learn from it and the choices we make. Maybe you’ll make the same mistake twice and maybe you’ll learn something new each time.

Because I’m a little rebellious, I decided to go against the odds and show the not so great side of me. Or at least, what others might think isn’t so great.

  • I’ve made this known but I have anxiety. The reason this isn’t the best part of me (other than obvious reasons) is because I let it control my life…sometimes. On bad days, I won’t go into a store alone or at all. I won’t let people touch me and if they do it sets off a trigger…a mean one at that. My reaction to certain things isn’t really normal and I stress over stuff that doesn’t even matter. I also have a fear of losing everyone in my life. And that leads me to the next one…
  • Believe it or not, I actually don’t always like myself (hahaha). That mixed in with anxiety and depression has me believing that I’m not good enough to be loved/liked. I know that’s a load of crap and I know deep down that I’m beyond good enough. But, that doesn’t change the fact that there are days when that inner voice aka demon likes to make me think otherwise. I fight with that voice daily. Sometimes I win, sometimes it wins.
  • I hate broken promises to the point of not trusting someone again after they’ve made one and not held up to it. Promises are something I take pretty seriously. If you can’t keep it, don’t make it. Maybe that’s just the way I was raised but it’s something I’ve held on to for a long time. Sometimes, your word is all you have and it sucks when you end up losing that too.
  • I tend to give the wrong people second chances and the right ones no chances. I can tell when people lie (a good thing) but when it comes to the people I surround myself with I have a hard time figuring out which ones mean well. I can tell everyone else that someone in their life has bad intentions but I can’t seem to figure out who those people are in my life. That’s why I have a small circle. Well, that’s one reason.
  • I live in the past a little too much. It’s not because I’m trying to figure out what I could have done differently. We all know we can’t change the past. I just don’t want to forget certain things. After losing people that I’ve loved, I realized that all the stories they told me or times we shared together were completely gone. I’d never get those back so I try super hard to make sure I don’t forget any of them. It can get the best of me.
  • I’m too hard on myself. I’m too hard on others. I’m stubborn. When I know I’m right, I’m right and unless you have proof to prove me wrong that won’t change. I care too much or not enough. I sometimes care too much of other people’s opinions. I always feel like I have to explain myself. I don’t like to be the first to admit I’m wrong or say I’m sorry. I can be too independent. I tend to hold everything in for a long time and then it comes out all at once like a monster. I pretend I’m happy or okay for the sake of other people and those same people have told me how unhealthy that is. I actually do argue with my husband, friends and family. I just don’t think it’s anyone else’s business.

So there you have it. Not everyone tries to hide who they really are. Some of us just don’t think the whole world should know every single problem we face in life. I hate pity and I keep a lot of things to myself because of it. There’s nothing worse than seeing that “I feel so sorry for you” look on someone’s face. The thing is we all have many, many flaws. Not all of us are trying to hide them or be someone we’re not. Sure, there are people like that but I guarantee you that the majority of people just aren’t very comfortable opening up to the entire world. I wasn’t until I started this blog.

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Don’t feel bad because you don’t get as many likes as the next person. Don’t compare yourself to the “prettier” girl/boy. Don’t believe everything you see and don’t doubt everything. Don’t base your life or popularity off of social media. Better yet, just stop caring what everyone else thinks! In some way or another, you’re great. Who cares how? Just know that you are.

via Daily Prompt: Promises

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